The Pain Of Falling For Someone
by Doggett.Rules
Summary: I own nothing Harry Potter. Remus meets Tonks for the first time. When they are alone, they talk. Tonks ends up leaving him sitting on his own, feeling hurt and pain.


Tonks, the exotically purple-haired Hogwarts graduate, was just awakening from her deep slumber. She sat up, yawning quietly and rubbing her eyes.

"Today is sure to be a good day." she said to herself with a smile, standing to walk in the bathroom of her own home.

She took her shower quickly, getting dressed in a suitable pair of jeans and a tank top. It was warm outside; sometimes chilly, sometimes overly warm. Why was today going to be a good day, one might ask? It was her first meeting as part of the Order of the Phoenix.

Once the sun was finally beginning to set, was when she apparated to the front of Number 12, Grimmauld Place. She was let in by an ever so excited Molly Weasley, and made her way into the basement, stumbling slightly from her clumsiness on the way.

She walked in with a somewhat awkward smile towards everyone. She recognized only a few of the lot: Kingsley Shacklebolt, who she met in the Ministry of Magic, as she was an Auror. Arthur Weasley, whom she knew from her close relationship with the Weasley family.

And Sirius Black: her distinct cousin, of whom she shared the relationship of also being one of the disowned Black family members.

"Hello everyone, I'm Tonks." she said, the awkward smile turning into a shy one.

She looked at the rest: Mad-Eye first, a few in between, and then finally, Remus Lupin. In which looking at Remus, a slight blush came to her face. Why had this happened? She didn't know. She took a seat next to Sirius, waiting for everyone to introduce themselves.

As everyone introduced themselves, Remus couldn't take his eyes off Tonks. She was different than everyone else and he liked that about her. He was staring at her for a while and Sirius caught his eye and mimed something to him. Remus looked confused for a moment but knew what he meant. He looked back at Tonks while Molly went on about the order and something new.

Remus wasn't listening though he was hypnotised by Tonks and he couldn't stop staring at her. He saw her eyes slowly meet his and he quickly looked away shy. How could he get shy? He was a werewolf after all. He leaned back in his chair further wondering what to say to the beautiful woman sitting across the room from him.

He knew he should be listening as the meetings the order held were always important, but it was like his eyes were glued to her. He tried to look away but found it impossible.

Tonks was paying full attention to the meeting, seeing as it was the first one she'd ever attended. Though once in a while she'd steal glances over at the man that seemed to keep his eyes on her the whole time.

The thought of him staring at her made her slightly uncomfortable. Though it was more of a self-conscious uncomfortable state, more so than a creeped out one. Was there something on her face? Did she put eyeliner on one eye, and forget the other? She let her head hang low, her eyes on the table, her ears focused on Molly's voice. If there was something she'd had on her face, or possible forgot to put on her face, she didn't want him to see it any longer.

Once the suffering had finally ended, she excused herself from the table quickly, and ungracefully swept to the bathroom. She locked the door behind her, and took a long look in the mirror. Nothing seemed to be wrong. Maybe it was just her conscience talking.

After she'd completely made sure that everything was okay, she strode into the kitchen as she had heard Molly's voice call out for dinner. She sat herself in between Molly and Sirius, both for their sake, knowing they had angry tension between each other, but also to feel comfortable with the people she was sitting by.

During dinner, she kept her eyes on her food, not speaking unless spoken to.

"I see you've met my cousin already, Remus." called out Sirius, noting the awkward tension between Remus and Tonks.

"Yes I have," Remus replied, poking at his food with his fork.

He shifted slightly feeling eyes looking at him. He looked up and saw Sirius's smirk across his face and Remus smiled. He looked over at Tonks who had her eyes on her food. He hesistated for a moment, not knowing what to say.

He could ask her how she was or if she was single but he knew he should start the conversation with something simpler. He cleared his throat and then opened his mouth to speak.

"So this is your first order meeting is it?" He asked her.

He saw her eyes look up and meet his and his heart began racing. He froze for a moment and then the spell seemed to pass. He waited for her to speak, and hoped that they could have a nice conversation without Sirius butting in at some point.

He knew that wouldn't happen and looked over at Sirius, who seemed quite happy with himself for starting a conversation between the two. Remus just glared at him, telling him to be quiet for once in his life. He then focused on Tonks again, smiling at her.

"Yea-" she paused, finishing the chewing of her food with a deep blush.

Mentally, she scolded herself for displaying such disgusting manners of speaking with her mouth full in front of such a man as himself. She swallowed her food as appealingly as she could, and flashed a small, yet beautiful, smile up at him.

"Yes, it is. It was quite... Boring. But that was expected. Work isn't usually fun." She felt her confidence growing by every word she spoke, not showing the fact that she was carefully thinking between every word.

Being a metamorphmagus, and an Auror, she was very much used to having to hide her very emotions, from her lips, to her eyes, to her body language. The only thing she didn't have control over was when her face flushed a blush towards both embarrassment or a fancy.

She took a small bite of the white rice provided by the lovely Mrs. Weasley, and a sip of her drink from the goblet.

"And how about you? How long have you been working for the Order?" her tone was casual, even if she saw this conversation as much more than casual.

Slightly awkward, but she didn't show it. The only thing that really made it awkward was Sirius' face flashing between each person every time they spoke. She looked over at Sirius with a glare.

"Is that necessary, Sirius?" she asked icily, tilting her head ever so slightly.

As soon as she'd spoke to Sirius, she reclaimed her attention to Remus with an apologetic smile.

"As you were saying?"

"Well work isn't usually fun like you said. I think I've been working her for about 6 year, or near that," He replied.

He was speaking to her like they had been friends for years. He looked at Sirius who raised an eyebrow at him and then looked at Tonks.

Remus grinned at him and nodded. Sirius smiled and then continued eating his food. Remus realised he had been so caught up in talking to Tonks he hadn't touched his food yet. He picked up his knife and fork and began eating. He looked at Tonks who was eating slowly. He wished it wasn't as awkward between them two, but with Sirius sitting there next to his cousin, Remus knew it would be.

He took a drink to wash his food down with and then looked at Molly and smiled, telling her it was nice. She smiled back and he continued eating. He then focused on Tonks once more covering his mouth as he spoke

"So how old are you?" He asked her.

He knew it was a very personal question but she was so beautiful and she looked really young.

Tonks laughed quietly, but nodded in agreement. She was trying to use her ability of being able to mask her true feelings to her advantage. She definitely kept to her food, sometimes picking at it, sometimes actually taking a bite or two.

When he'd asked that question, she was taken aback slightly, expecting that to have been asked in a more private conversation. It wasn't that personal, seeing as most of the people here already knew, but it definitely wasn't expected.

"I'm 19," her head inclined slightly as she spoke, thinking to herself that this wasn't a surprise at all.

She sure looked her age, though she didn't act it. She was always taken for a much more mature person than her age; one of the reasons she'd become an Auror.

She didn't feel the need to ask him his age, knowing it would be quite a bit older than hers, but smiled anyways. She would save the other questions for a later, more personal conversation. If they had one. Standing up once Molly had announced that dinner was over, and everyone's stomachs were completely full, she bid her farewells to everyone gracefully, with a flashing, teethy smile.

She wanted more than anything to continue to a new conversation with Remus, but felt it unnecessary, seeing as he most likely didn't have an interest in her, and was just plainly showing casual friendliness. And with that, she gave Molly a hug goodbye, and walked to the door. Something in the back of her mind told her to go back, and to speak with him. But she kept walking.

Remus saw her give Molly a hug goodbye and he stood up. She couldn't leave; he needed to speak to her. He knew he stood no chance with her but he wanted to be with her for just a bit longer. When he saw her walking to the door to leave he was trying to get himself to go after her.

He hesitated and when he saw she didn't turn around, he knew she was going to leave and he didn't know how long it would be until he saw her beautiful face again. And he didn't know how long it would be until he heard her voice again. He finally made his decision and ran after her to the door to see her hand on the handle.

"Wait!" He said to her approaching her side.

She looked at him with a quizzical expression and he swallowed the lump in his throat and spoke again.

"Don't go, stay a bit longer please. I would really like to continue that conversation, and this time without Sirius making it uncomfortable," He smiled at her, and he sounded like he was begging.

He saw her expression change and he thought to himself she would definitely turn him down. He looked at her waiting for an answer, after all his begging. He wanted to be with her a bit longer and maybe build a good relationship with her.

She felt like she had to use all of her strength to hold back a smile when he called out for her, and quickly changed her expression into a slightly confused one, to make it not as obvious. Closing her eyes tightly in thought, and then opening them again, she turned to face him, dropping her hands to her sides.

"I think I might have a few hours to kill." she said with an inclination of her head, and a smile finally making its way to her face to show her friendliness.

She looked around the familiar place for a moment, having been here once as a child, and thought back to where they could have a nice conversation in private.

"Here, follow me." she nodded for a moment, thinking to whether or not she should take his hand to lead him.

Deciding against it, she simply began her way in front of him, up the stairs, around a few corners, and up another set of stairs. Finally making her way, she ran her hand gently down a large black-framed door, and it magically unlocking at her touch. Opening the door, she revealed a huge room that she at one point called her own. Though this side of the family never acknowledged her, they let her stay for a day or two once.

Just as she'd remembered, there was a large black bed, a few large black dressers, that most likely still had her clothes from when she had left without notice. The walls were framed in a deep blue wallpaper, and the bathroom door was slightly opened, just as she had left it many years ago.

She walked around slowly, taking in the scene.

"This used to be my room." she said with a generous smile, answering the unspoken questions that lingered upon his expression.

He walked in to the room slowly behind her. He looked around and smiled. He was so glad she had stayed, as he would have never got any sleep if she had left. He walked closer behind her and leaned down to her.

"It's a nice room, and this used to be yours, very nice," He smiled.

He put his hand through his hair not knowing what to say next. Should he tell a few jokes? Compliment her? Flirt with her? No he thought.

She was only 19 and he was a lot older and it would be weird for him to come on to her, as they were only just becoming friends. He scratched behind his ear and wondered what she was thinking about. He smirked as loads of thoughts filled his mind. She could be thinking about him he told himself but knew she probably wasn't.

He looked around her room for a moment taking everything in. The sweet smell, the wonderful color's, the woman standing next to him. He knew Sirius would be laughing if he saw how nervous he was and he looked at the door making sure no one was there.

Remus then put his hands behind his back and looked at her smiling. He had been smiling a lot since he had saw her and he was glad she was having this affect on him.

Tonks, with her usual confidence which she found herself lacking at the moment, was used to having men act this way around her. Well, most. But someone like him acting this way? It didn't seem right whatsoever.

She took her time to walk around the room; noting it was quite dark, she walked to the restroom that was open, and turned on the light. From the light shining through the door, she noticed where the light switches were: next to the closet.

She walked to the closet and flipped on the lights, looking up at the chandelier that suddenly flashed bright above them, causing her to squint and let out a small giggle at her own reaction.

Looking back at him with a smile, she rubbed her own shoulder and walked over to her bed, sitting down on the very comfortable bedding that was her own. It was very comfortable indeed, just as she remembered.

"Tell me about yourself." she said in honest curiosity, crossing one leg over the other.

Now is one of the times she'd wished she wore something a little more revealing.. No, it wouldn't make him like me anyways.. She thought to herself. With that thought, she walked over to her dressers and looked through, seeing the old clothing she'd had as a child, and laughed to herself at what glamorous things she used to own, coming from the Black family. She turned back waiting for his answer, her head tilted slightly with an amused expression at the way he was acting towards her.

Remus just stared at her stunned, she was so beautiful and he wondered if he stood a chance with her. He laughed at himself and then looked at Tonks.

"Well there's not much to tell really. My name is Remus, I'm a werewolf, and I used to be a professor at Hogwarts but left. I'm a curious man sometimes and I think you're very pretty," He told her.

He hoped he hadn't creeped her out by saying that he thought she was pretty. He knew she was nervous as he saw her moving a lot and that she only held his gaze for a moment and then looked away. He smiled at her as she was looking at her belongings in her dresser and he wondered if he should flirt with her a bit. He was trying to build up the courage to say something to her but her couldn't think of what to say. He knew she was way out of his league, but he wasn't going to give up hope yet.

He slowly walked over to her bed and sat down, looking at her. She was amazing to him and he wondered if she was single. Tonks smirked lightly at his comment about how he thought she was pretty; now that was the type of man she was used to. She nodded lightly, waiting a moment and scolding herself silently for not giving him her thanks. One thing that took a while to catch her attention, was the fact that he just blatantly told her that he was a werewolf. Though she didn't care, more so she thought it was quite cool, she was surprised that he actually told her that. Was that something werewolves just straight up told people?

She took it out of her mind, and walked over to him, sitting down on the bed a few feet away from him, not wanting to creep him out at all. She was very good at flirting, and also getting men to fall for her charm, but she was going to take this slow.

Oh for Merlin's sake, she never took it slow. She reached her hand out slowly to take his into hers, stroking the side of his hand with her thumb softly, and her hands like silk. What would his reaction be to this?

Instead of letting go, she continued.

"You're a werewolf?.. That's interesting." she said with a flash of a smile, shifting her body ever so slightly to face him, but not moving her hand, unless he moved his own.

Now that she'd gotten the fact that he thought she was pretty out of the way, there was no time left to deal with her wondering whether or not she should flirt with him.

"Yes I am," He smiled.

He loved the way her thumb was stroking his side of his hand and he slowly moved closer to her. He told himself to make a move since she had made one. He took her hand in his and looked in to her eyes. Just like before he got lost in them and couldn't think.

He was staring at her like a deer caught in the headlights of a car and he looked away slowly, telling himself to calm down. He felt the heat getting hotter as they were closer together and that she was smiling at him. He instantly smiled and then spoke again.

"So tell me about you," He grinned, feeling like he was on cloud nine.

He thought he was pathetic, getting excited that he was holding her hand.

Remus then looked at her and moved closer again so they were sitting with their shoulders touching. He wondered if he was going too far with this and he remembered she had touched his hand first. He saw her expression on her face and smiled at her.

Her smile grew a bit wider, glad to know that he hadn't pushed it away. To think of it, they were actually going a bit fast. Hell, they were only holding hands, what was she thinking? How childish was she, really? She kept her eyes on his, the smile not on her lips, but can be shown in her eyes for sure.

"Well." she began, thinking in the back of her head on what exactly she could tell him.

"I'm cousins with Sirius, obviously.. Which means I'm related to the Malfoys and Blacks. Bellatrix and Narcissa are my aunts, though they never paid special attention to me, as my mother married a mudblood. I'm a metamorphmagus," she pointed to her purple hair as if an illustration of one of the things that came with that ability.

"I work in the Auror department of the Ministry of Magic." This was said in a proud tone, knowing she was one of the last people to be accepted into that apartment of the Ministry.

She felt her body flush hot every time their gazes met, and felt more so of a child than she ever did. She was used to being around men like this. Why was this feeling so different?

"There's nothing else to really tell. I'm not that complex of a person." she added a small comfortable laugh, feeling the blush going away the more comfortable she felt.

"Your life is very interesting," He smiled at her.

He saw the blush on her face and she looked so adorable to him. His eyes slowly looked at her lips. He was so tempted to kiss her right then but knew he shouldn't wait a bit longer. He was glad that they were alone, as it made them more comfortable and they could take things slowly. He wished he had better self control as he felt himself getting closer and closer to her.

He cursed himself in his head and told himself to stop being an idiot. He wanted her to be comfortable and didn't want to rush her in to things. He smiled as he felt the last bit of tension disappear and he knew he was going to kiss her.

He leaned over to her slowly and his face was inches away from hers. He knew he could stop it from going further but he wanted this and his eyes locked on to hers. He waited for her to move not wanting to force himself upon her.

Tonks' smile had disappeared quickly as he leaned closer to her, not knowing what to do. Yes, she wanted to take it slow. Very much did she want to take it slow. But that really wasn't her nature at all. She bit her lip gently before deciding she was going to give in.

Lifting her hand up slowly, she rested it gently on his neck, shifting herself upwards so she was closer to him, her breathing slightly accelerating. She made the tension rise purposefully, this being a new way she tempted men. She took a good moment before finally enclosing the space between them, crushing her lips to his with a slight feeling of hunger and need in the way their lips moved together.

After what seemed like nearly half an hour, but was nowhere near that, she finally backed off. She bit her lip again, but in more of a sensual way this time, and leaned back to look at him, dropping her hand from his neck, to her lap. She didn't know exactly what to do. Or, more so she wanted to know what he wanted to do.

She gave up, knowing that she wanted more, and lifted both of her arms up to his neck, wrapping them completely around his neck as she leaned him over to the laying position and pressed her lips to his once again. He could pull away whenever he felt necessary.

Remus felt her lips against his. His head was spinning and he couldn't believe this was happening. He was over the moon with joy that it was and he smiled against her lips. He put his hands on her waist pulling her even closer to him, wanting more of her.

He kissed her with passion and he could feel his heart pounding inside his chest. No one else had made him feel this way before, and he wondered what was so special about her. He lay back a bit further pulling her light body on top of him, and he wrapped his strong arms around her back.

He was happy that they had gone this far and he put a hand in her hair messing it up a bit. He deepened the kiss and knew that she wanted this, as the way she had kissed him before had told him that.

More than anything did she want this to continue, but something in the back of her head kept telling her otherwise. After she'd had so much that she had to pull back lightly to get air, she looked away to her right side.

"I..I can't, I-I'm sorry.." she felt a pain in her chest as she pulled away from him completely, standing up and grabbing her things.

Yes, he was more perfect than any man she'd ever met. But he was dangerous. The age was the last of her worries. He was much too dangerous.

As she felt the tears just barely rimming in her eyes, she gave him one last painful look.

"I'm sorry.." she whispered again, rushing out and down the stairs, nearly tripping on her way out.

**Thanks for reading guys. Just a quick Remus/Tonks fic. Anyway please review :)**


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